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Dieting, Of Course

I’m sweating profusely right now from my third consecutive cup of coffee, watching Sister Wives: Secrets Revealed, and trying to figure out what I’m going to do tonight that doesn’t consist of eating or drinking. What do people do on a Friday night when they’re trying to lose weight?

After Hurricane Sandy, my gym closed for two weeks and I took that as a sign to stop working out for two months. Then came Thanksgiving, a trip to Vegas, Christmas and 2 1/2 weeks away from work, and poof!- here I am, squeezing into every pair of jeans I own. Vanity aside, I feel out of shape, so I finally drug myself back to the gym, started counting calories, and became the cliché post-New Year’s woman. That’s fine with me, I’ve already lost a pound, but nothing reveals your personal flaws as sharply as attempting change. Here’s what I’ve learned in the last four days:

#1: I want variety!

1,300 calories a day isn’t an easy transition, and my options are limited, but I’ll never be able to live solely on salad and chicken. I don’t understand women who have these very strict diets and don’t allow themselves pasta, or taco night, or a margarita once in a while. A life without Alfredo sauce is not worth living.

#2: I need a food diary!

The only way to keep myself from overeating is to write down everything I put in my mouth. I have a sophisticated spreadsheet and a food blog. It’s sick, and I’m ashamed at my lack of personal accountability, but if I don’t visually see the calories adding up, I’ll just keep eating crackers and Gouda until my couch collapses from under me.

#3: I’m an addict!

I don’t smoke and I’m not drinking, and I’m not watching 5 Netflix documentaries in a row either. To fill this void I’m drinking coffee, and obsessing over work out plans and pounding water. Maybe my new habits seem healthier, but they are just as unhealthy if I don’t control them. I obsess over things (you should see me on a Reddit binge) and I need to curb it. A little goes a long way, and I’m only just realizing this.

#4: I’m getting old!

After a year of wearing 4-inch heels to work every day, my feet hurt and my knee is stiff, which isn’t ideal for a wannabe runner. I need to wear much lower heels to work and start taking better care of myself before arthritis and bunions cripple me.

Now please excuse me while I eat something. I think my overly critical self-realizations are a sign of starvation induced insecurity.

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