Cabinet Cooks

Cabinet Cooks: Tofu!

Okay, let’s clear the air enough for me to admit I’m not a vegan. I had gumbo for lunch today.

After the move this weekend, I didn’t have the time or money to go out and get everything I’d planned on buying. While a vegan diet shouldn’t be expensive (beans and broccoli, right?), I needed to replenish my entire kitchen, and all of the oils and sauces and different treats I wanted to add to that shopping list pushed me way over budget.

Though I have chicken in the fridge and shrimp in my belly, I’m not a complete failure. Mark and I went shopping on Sunday and purchased a lot of vegan friendly foods, including Almond Milk, veggie burgers and tofu. I also have gluten free pasta, an entire fridge filled with veggies, cabinets stocked with legumes and a plan. While I am not totally meatless (Mark has ground buffalo in the freezer that I cannot wait to bite), I am still sticking to a mostly dairy, GMO and gluten free diet, with a little meat sprinkled throughout.

With that said, I attempted my first tofu recipe yesterday. It’s a favorite of mine; a really simple mushroom wine sauce. I usually cook it with chicken, so why not tofu? (Spoiler: Because never tofu).

Ché’s Famous Tofu with Mushroom Wine Sauce Recipe

Ingredients

  1. At least 6 mushrooms, sliced, I used Baby Bella;
  2. One onion half, or less or more, diced;
  3. Garlic, diced, as much as you can handle;
  4. Red wine, 1/2 cup;
  5. 2 pads of butter, or non-dairy butter;
  6. 3 ounces of firm tofu;
  7. Lots of pepper;
  8. A little bit of low sodium salt;
  9. Some type of gluten free flour, or regular flour, if needed.

Step One: Press Your Tofu

I don’t have any pictures of pressing tofu, but I followed these steps. In case you don’t know, tofu is fucking gross. It comes in a package filled with water, which spills all over you. Then you have to press your tofu between two plates, and squeeze all of that soy water out. It takes about 15 minutes for the tofu juices to excrete, so I used that time to prep the rest of the meal and started cooking the sauce.

“Food”

 

Step Two: Make Your Sauce

The sauce is easy. Melt the butter in a pan on medium heat. Then, add the garlic and cook for about a minute, or until fragrant. Then add onions, and sauté until translucent, also about a minute or so depending on the amount. Then, add the wine and the mushrooms at the same time. Let simmer for at least 10 minutes. Add lots of black pepper and a bit of salt. The mushroom flavor will then release into the wine and butter, and it will taste delicious. If you want to thicken it, use your favorite thickener, or just use a teaspoon or so of flour. This is the only part of this recipe that you should replicate.

A bad picture of a good thing.

 

Step Three: Begin to Ruin Your Meal

A serving of tofu is 3 oz., but the package contained 12 oz. So, I stored my tofu in two ways: First I froze a portion of it. This changes the consistency of the tofu but also helps in removing the moisture (soy juice). I stored the second portion in the fridge. To store tofu in the fridge, place it in tupperwear with water and seal it. The shelf life is maybe 3 days. Or really 0 days, because it’s disgusting either way.

I cut my remaining 3 oz. (4 oz. if you’ve been doing the math) into blocks. This is where I begin to screw everything up. These blocks are too thick. Tofu should be cut into 1/2 inch thick pieces.

Poor preparation.

 

Step Four: Finish Ruining Your Meal

Tofu is never technically “uncooked”, so how you prepare it is entirely up to the recipe. Some recipes call for baking, some call for blending, some call for sautéing, etc. None call for throwing the tofu into a bath of hot red wine for 5 minutes.

Don’t do this.

 

Note: In a proper dish, you would spray non-stick oil onto a pan and heat the tofu for about 3-5 minutes on each side. Once cooked, you would place onto a plate, dish the mushrooms and onions on top and then spoon the sauce over as desired.

Step Five: Garnish and Serve!

Once I felt the tofu was adequately soaked, I cut it up into bite sized pieces and flopped the contents of the pan onto a plate. Beautiful! Then, for flair, I threw some parsley on top.

Mmm, flair!

 

I poured myself a glass of Pinot and took a bite. Hmm… it didn’t taste like much. Then I took another bite, and and started gagging. This was disgusting. I can’t adequately describe just how vile this dinner was, because I can’t even comprehend what those tastes were, but just take my word for it. Do not ever prepare tofu like this, or at all.

Step Six: Drink Wine for Dinner

I ate the mushrooms, because they were delicious, before tossing the rest. Because I was still hungry, but also disgusted and unnerved, I had three glasses of wine and went to sleep.

There you have it! Ché’s Famous Tofu with Mushroom Wine Sauce Recipe. Skip the tofu, add more mushrooms, and enjoy.