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Things I Know at 28

Today is my 28th birthday, and I’m not feeling entirely positive about it. My mind is flooded with questions like, “Am I too old for my room to be this covered in crap?” and “Am I supposed to know how to make lasagna from scratch?”. I gauge my general life direction against where I think the world expects me to be. It’s stupid, and all of this stress and self-centered contemplation really puts a damper on my attempt to age gracefully. So to keep from having an “older-than-quarter-but-less-than-mid-life” crisis, here are the things that I do know for certain at 28 (Spoiler: This list is not impressive).

Things I Definitely Know at 28

  1. Female Friends Are the MOST Important: If I could marry my girlfriends and have affairs with men on the side, I would. They get me more than anyone. When I’m upset, they ask the questions that get to the root of my feelings. If I’m being irrational, hypocritical, or just fucking crazy, they will tell me. And if I get mad at them for calling me crazy, they forgive me. Being a woman is a very unique experience, and your girlfriends help you embrace your journey. Also, there is nothing as therapeutic as a girl’s night. Whether we’re white girl dancing our way through Beyoncé’s discography or crying into a pizza, I always walk away from hanging with my ladies feeling like I just saw the friendliest, drunkest psychiatrist on the block. They are an intricate part of a happy life, and you should keep them.
  2. I Should Stop Looking At the Neighbors: If you’re 28 and living at home because you want to save money and you like your mom a lot, that’s fine. Even if you have a friend who left home at 24, or that annoying bitch who somehow manages to travel the world on absolutely no income at all – how does she afford this and where the hell is Budapest! It doesn’t matter. You can’t compare yourself to everyone else and it’s incredibly unhealthy to try! I’ve learned it’s important to stay on your own track, and forget everyone else because they’re still figuring it out too.
  3. 28 Is Not Too Old: My fellow 28-ers are not too old for the following things:
    1. Alcohol or getting drunk on the weekends.
    2. Casual dating.
    3. To start working out.
    4. To start new hobbies.
    5. MTV (Girl Code, what up?).
    6. A messy bedroom.
    7. Needing your mom.
    8. Being single.
    9. Living paycheck to paycheck.
    10. Going back to school.
    11. Changing careers.
    12. Crying when your boyfriend gets mad at you.
    13. H&M.
  4. 28 is Too Old: My fellow 28-ers are too old for the following things:
    1. Losing control of yourself every time you drink.
    2. Staying in unhappy relationships.
    3. Staying at a dead-end job because it’s easy.
    4. Doing anything because it’s easier than doing what you want to do.
    5. Complete apathy.
    6. Not knowing how to say you’re sorry.
    7. Thinking your age makes you cute (unless you’re talking to your grandparents).
    8. Not knowing how to get along with your siblings.
    9. Not appreciating your parents.
    10. Forever 21.
  5. Well All Need to Get Off the Phone: The internet and smart phones and quick accessibility to everything are killing our sociability. Put your phone down during dinner, or when talking to people. Make eye contact and maintain in-person contact. Otherwise, we’re all going to have weird, robot children.
  6. This is Only the Beginning: A (mostly) clean and cute apartment, a sister-best-friend, a best-friend-boyfriend, a decent job with great flexibility, good friends, great family… everything is fine! And it’s only the beginning of it all. So I’m enjoying it. Now give me cake!
  7. And lastly, when all else fails, Buzzfeed gets it.